Before giving birth to my first baby I always thought birth stories were kind of weird, maybe too graphic or even somehow disgusting. And yet I find myself here writing my own. Because I came to realize that the whole event is so big and important that you don’t want to forget a single detail. And even after the excruciating pain, the memories start fading, like if our mind was really trying to make room to be able to do it again another time. But I really do want to remember how it was, because it was the most impacting experience of my entire life.
For some reason I got convinced that I was not that hard, maybe because I heard some good stories and it seemed doable. I was expecting the same for myself. A somehow “fast” delivery. Days were passing by and I was getting anxious about not feeling any labor sign. Then the due date hit and I haven’t felt a single contraction yet. People said I should walk. So I walked a lot, maybe 5 to 10k a day. Everyday until my baby was born. They recommended eating dates, I was having at least 8 a day. I ate almost 1kg of dates in a month. I also tried red raspberry leaf tea, warm baths, sex, you name it.
The only thing I was kind of afraid of trying was a membrane sweep. Because I heard it was painful for many people, and the chances of it working were low. But after the due date came and the reality of being induced was closer I was desperate to make labour start. So I decided to do the membrane sweep. And it was really not painful at all, I was surprised on how it was painful for some people. After some hours, I got back pain, which was promising but then it went away quickly so I got disappointed. But then it all started 2 days later, on Wednesday July 6th at 3 am.
I woke up with some weird back pain that suddenly hit me and went away. It was not the same that I felt before but sharper. I always thought contractions were felt in the pelvis too, but because of the regularity I decided that maybe it was the moment. I woke up Mariano, and told him that I was feeling them every 5 mins approximately. I started measuring with an application. After about 90 mins we checked the app and it showed contractions every 5 minutes, lasting 1 minute in total. We had learnt in the pre-natal classes about the 5-1-1 rule (1 min contractions, 5 min apart and for 1 hour), so we decided to call the labor and delivery unit in our hospital. They told us that because this was our first baby we probably had a long way to go and we should wait at home unless the pain was too much. So I woke up and went to take a warm bath. The pain was tolerable but not light enough for me to sleep. After some time contractions became more irregular, coming every 15 min, sometimes 30 min. I spent most of the day trying to watch tv shows, switching from laying to walking in the backyard, to sit again. I ate super light and I was really anxious about what was going to happen. Contractions came and went, but the pain was real, I had to get Mariano massage me every time I got one. During the afternoon, Mariano suggested to watch a movie, and we tried, but I was in so much pain it was too hard to pay attention. At some point I told him, ‘let’s call the clinic, I need something to relieve the pain’. I really wanted to sleep, being in so much pain and awake since 3 am was not fun. We called the clinic and they told us they could give me morphine to relieve it. So we went there around 6pm. They were waiting for me in the L&D unit, and they took me to a room, told me to undress and put on a hospital gown. I was having contractions in the middle, and the nurse and Mariano were trying to help relieve the pain massaging my back. There they checked my blood pressure and my dilation. I was only 1cm dilated! They told me I still had a long way ahead of me, but the medication should let me rest a bit. They injected me with morphine and after 10 min they checked my blood pressure again. This time it was high, so they did not want to let me go without a blood test. So I had to wait there for a while until they drew the blood and results came back. In the meantime I started to get drowsy, because of the morphine, but the contractions were still there. I was told I would still feel them but really light. I couldn’t really tell the difference until I reached home. After a while the results came back normal and they let me go home. It was more than 8pm. So we arrived and I went directly to sleep, luckily I was relieved for a while, still feeling some pain but also I was so tired that I fell asleep. I could only sleep for 2 or 3 hours, then I got awake by the painful contractions again. But they were still not frequent enough. I decided to not wake up Mariano because there was nothing to do for him. I started timing them for around 2 hours, at some point they started coming every 4 to 5 min and I was in so much pain again! I decided to wake Mariano up and we called the clinic again. They told me to wait until I had contractions every 3 min. This time I really felt different, pain was stronger each time and I was seeing that contractions frequency was increasing. I started packing the last things I needed to put in my bag, and jump into the bathtub to see if I could relieve the pain. I only lasted 5 mins there because it was really uncomfortable. Each contraction I had to go on my hand and knees to ease the pain a bit and doing that in the tub was not fun at all. So I decided that laboring in my tub was not an option for me (we don’t have a shower in that tub so there is no way to be standing there). “Luckily” I was starting to have contractions every 3 to 4 mins. So I decided it was time and I told Mariano we should start to loading everything into the car and leave the house. It was more than 3 in the morning already. We called the hospital and finally they told us that we could go, 24 hours after I started laboring! We quickly ate some snacks (because they told you to eat before you get the epidural) and packed everything and left. I was having contractions every 3 minutes in the car and it was really really painful not being able to have my massage so I was doing some weird poses while we traveled. Luckily we were only 10 mins from the hospital so it was not really bad, but then we could not find a close parking to the emergency sector (the only area opened at that hour) and we have to walk like 2 or 3 blocks to get to the place, I was stopping at every contraction, literally throwing everything in the floor, asking Mariano to massage me and then walking as fast as I could till the next contraction. It was a really long short journey. When we reached the door they quickly put me in a wheelchair and we went to the L&D (labor and delivery) sector. They had a room already prepared for me, so I went in, they checked me and I was already dilated at 5! Finally!
They asked me if I wanted to have an epidural. In my head I really wanted to stick to my original birth plan to labour in different positions and places, but when I asked they told me that once they put the epidural there were not many options for me. The pain was so bad that I was really doubting, plus they said that my waters might break soon and that would really trigger faster and more intense contractions. In the meantime they gave me the laughing gas to relieve some pain, I tried to sit in the ball but the pain was too intense, the only position I could handle was standing with my head on the bed and breathing the gas each time.
In the end I decided that it was not time to think about the birth plan anymore, and requested the epidural. I was really getting more and more pain. I was waiting anxiously for the anesthesiologist to come and I wondered why it was taking so long after they told me he was in the hospital.
At some point the doctor and the nurse came by and told me: “we are sorry but we are not able to reach the anesthesiologist, we will keep trying. In the meantime would you like another medication that is similar to morphine so you can rest?”. I panicked but of course I said yes, at that point I would take anything to feel more relieved.
After that, I heard someone calling the anesthesiologist by the hospital speaker, they were really trying. Around 10 mins later luckily they came back and told me the anesthesiologist was on his way. They made me sit on the bed and explained the procedure, they asked mariano to hold my hands while they did it so I wouldn’t move or touch my back. I asked if I could keep breathing the gas on the contractions and they told me that I should request and they will help me breathe it.
I barely remember how long the epidural took but I was so anxious to have it that I did not care. It was not painful at all, they only painful part were the contractions still coming. Once it was done they made me lay on the bed, they put a monitoring belt around my belly and some clip on my finger to monitor stuff as well and a band to check blood pressure every certain amount of time that would trigger automatically. After 10 or 15 mins the epidural started to kick on my left side, they tested with some ice pad to see if I would feel it and how. The right side was still not numb enough but they told me it should be normal. After another 10 mins or so they tested the right side again and it seemed to have done some effect. It was magic, no more contractions and I could finally rest. It felt so good after so much pain that I fell asleep fast. They came every few minutes to check stuff. After what I would say was 2 or 3 hours they came back and woke me to check how dilation was. Good news! I was at 8 now! They told me contractions were so slow down that even if I reached 10 I wouldn’t be able to push so they needed to be intensified. This process is called augmentation. They told me they will try the natural way first (break my waters) and if after an hour that did not work they will inject some medication (oxytocin) to trigger it. I didn’t feel anything after they broke my waters, just some liquid pouring. But apparently after an hour I was still slow on contractions so they continued with the medication. That seemed to help, in about half an hour I was at 10 of dilation and ready to push. I was starting to feel something again on each contraction (they told me it was normal to feel pressure). They woke Mariano up and told him and me that we should prepare to push. I was really happy that everything was coming to an end and I would hold Isa on my arms soon enough, but I was still kind of scared.
They explained me how to push, it seemed weird, but they made me try a couple of times and they were happy about how I was doing it. The nurse would stay with me on the first part and the doctor would come at the end to receive the baby. I started pushing, it was kind of painful but tolerable (and they told me that feeling something was normal so I was ok with that). Unfortunately with each push I would feel more and more back pain, again similar to the contractions. I told that to the nurse and she made me lay on my side so my back wont hurt that much. I lied on my right side which was a big mistake because it was that side that was hurting, after 3 or 4 pushes the pain was excruciating and I was screaming. They made me lay on my other side but that didn’t seem to have much effect. Each push would hurt more and more. They made Mariano press on my back after each push, and also they put a cold towel on my head. I was screaming: “I can’t, I can’t do it, it hurts so much”. In my head, I thought I would not be able to make it honestly. I never was so scared in my life. The doctor came, the nurse told the situation and she said: maybe we can call the anesthesiologist again and see what he can do but I don’t think he can do much at this point. They gave me all the allowed epidural shots by that moment, but still felt a LOT of pain. I think the effect was gone on the right side for some reason.
The “good part” is that the head was already visible at that point so they asked me if I wanted to see with a mirror. I said yes, it was a distraction for me. And that way, push after push, crying of the pain each time but looking at the amazing thing my body was doing I was able to make it. More than two hours of pushing later, Isabella made the entrance to our world, and I barely remember those seconds where she was removed from me and placed on my chest. But I do remember the feeling, the relief, the peace I felt at that point. Seeing her for the first time and thinking: “she is just perfect”. It is really the most amazing feeling in the world. That reward is so priceless that you convince yourself that you can go through the pain a 100 times more just to revive that moment.
She was crying as soon as she got out, and she cried and cried over me. I tried comforting her but at some point she seemed hungry. The nurse helped me with the latch and she magically started breastfeeding, or at least taking comfort from the breast. It felt really weird at the beginning, even a bit painful, but seeing her so calm was everything. I really did not feel a thing about what was being done to me after Isabella was born. I did get stitches, my placenta came out, I lost more blood than normal, and they kept touching and pushing my belly for quite some time. Nothing really mattered at that point because I was holding her in my arms.
Even the doctors waited like one hour to weigh her just because they didn’t want to disturb her. When they finally did weigh her she was 2.98 kg and 51cm long.
Then it was dad’s turn to hold her skin to skin. But she was still hungry so she cried and cried over Mariano’s arms, but I got to try to stand up meanwhile. I realized the effect of the anesthesia was really gone from my right side when I tried to get up first and my left leg was still wobbly. I had to wait like an hour more for the left leg to feel good while the right was totally gone. At that point I realized my thought was true, I had push with little to none anesthesia on one side, and that’s why the pain was so strong. It did not matter anymore at that point, but I will always remember the long long labor I had (more than 30 hours) and that excruciating pain.
This is the whole birth story, it was long to write (took me almost 5 months after she was born) as it was long to live. After that, little we would know about the long stay in the hospital we had to endure. Isabella had jaundice so we got to stay 4 days at the hospital and 3 more nights. She even was put in an incubator under a light and I could not remove her from there but just to breastfeed. There I cried again holding her hand through a glass. After that I am really respectful about parents that have to endure long periods with their preemie babies in an incubator. It must be SO HARD having your baby there for a long time. The worst part is seeing them so fragile but not being able to give them comfort and warmth even when they cry. But that is material for a different story. Everything turned out great in the end, and we eventually went home and started our wonderful and hard new life as a family of three.
Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing about my story. It was perfect as it was and it taught me so many priceless things. I thank life for giving me the chance of going through it and showing me what I am capable of creating and achieving. Fast forward to now, Isabella is 4 months and thriving. And I am really loving being a mom to her as hard as it can sometimes get. You keep and keep learning new stuff and facing new challenges.
In conclusion (if you read up to here I give you an applause), if you are close to delivering your first baby, maybe my story is not the most encouraging one, but it is real. Reading easy and positive birth stories really helps with anxiety and fear (please keep doing it!), but sometimes reading the other side of the curve can help too. Not to scare you, but actually not to feel alone when you are in your 24th hour of labor and there is no baby yet… and you keep reading those stories of easy and quick deliveries. You are not alone, each body is unique and capable of doing anything, so hang in there!